


Moments

by ghostband



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: (very minimal but it’s there), Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Bobby needs a hug, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, Grieving, M/M, Memories, Pre-Canon, Sad, Song: Moments (One Direction), Suicide, Sunset Curve (Julie and The Phantoms), Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27682646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostband/pseuds/ghostband
Summary: Bobby grieves over the loss of his two best friends and boyfriend. He recalls memories from that night and earlier ones on his final night.
Relationships: Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Reggie
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	Moments

**Author's Note:**

> TW there is a Suicide. It’s not super graphic, but it’s there.

Feeling smaller than ever as he sat on the damp grass surrounded by the grey stones. The stones that held names of strangers, but the one he remained in front of was his boyfriends. 

It was one of the worst days he’s had in a while. He _has_ gotten better, but the depressive episodes are getting worse again. Or he told himself he had gotten better. He didn’t know why he thought the sadness had subsided when it never felt like it left.

_ Shut the door _

_ Turn the light off _

_ If I wanna be with you _

_ I wanna feel your love _

_ I wanna lay beside you _

_ I cannot hide this _

_ Even though I try _

Bobby trudged his way home. He didn’t talk to his family anymore. Well, not often. He locked himself up in his bedroom, allowing what if’s to run through his mind. 

He couldn’t deal with the pain in his mother’s eyes when she looked at him, the hope in his little sisters eyes thinking he’d play today, the pitied look from his father or the way his twin looked like he itched to talk to Bobby about his friends. About their music.

He knew they loved him, but they would never understand the pain of losing the three most constant people in your life at once. Two being your best friends and the other being the one who he had given his heart to.

_ Heartbeats harder _

_ Time escapes me _

_ Trembling hands touch skin _

_ It makes this harder _

_ And the tears stream down my face _

As he shut his eyes he could almost feel Reggie’s hand run up his arm. Almost smell the sweetness with a hint of cologne and mint gum that his boyfriend had smelt like. Almost hear the gentleness of Reggies voice like he was there whispering to him. 

He cried harder when he realized it was all his imagination. They’d never be in one another’s arms again. No more sleepy goodnight kisses or koala cuddles. 

_ If we could only have this life for one more day _

_ If we could only turn back time _

_ You know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be _

He recalled that last day. The four of them were about to be legends. Following dreams and reaching heights that almost felt impossible months ago. What made it better was that they were there with him. His best friends and boyfriend. He wasn’t alone like he was now. 

He remembered staying back with Rose since he didn’t eat meat. He regretted it. Sometimes he wondered if he joined in if they would’ve gone somewhere else, if a safer vendor would’ve been used or if they’d be alive because maybe he’d call 911 in time.

_ My love, my heart is breathing for this _

_ Moment, in time _

_ I'll find the words to say _

_ Before you leave me today _

‘I love you’

Three words that he never let slip from his lips. Now all he could do is wish to have let them slip in between kisses or a quiet whisper into the darkness or even as a shout from the roof of a building. He wanted Reggie to hear just how much he cared. 

He’d tell Reggie that he loved his voice when he sang whether it be with a country twang or not. That he loved the way Reggie smiled so bright that he couldn’t look away. That he loved how cute he was in the morning, all sleepy eyed and tousled hair or the way he’d give the cute little smile with dilated pupils after a pre-show makeout session. That he loved how Reggie was unapologetically himself. His happy-go-lucky personality, goofy grin, his ability to lighten any mood and the way Reggie had the biggest heart.

_ Close the door _

_ Throw the key _

_ Don't wanna be reminded _

_ Don't wanna be seen _

_ Don't wanna be without you _

The sun was going down which meant it was time for the second walk of his day. He usually didn’t have the first walk, but when he couldn’t handle school. Couldn’t handle the looks he received from his peers or the disappointment when he, once again, couldn’t make himself perform in music class performances. He would skip out on school when he couldn’t handle those things. Usually going to the grave to visit his friends.

He laid on his back, staring at the sky on those days. His voice whispering quiet words out into the universe, wondering if his friends heard him. Wishing he could receive answers.

This walk, though, was the walk that gave him some peace. The darkness of the night surrounding him with no one’s sad eyes looking at him. A time of being alone where nothing was expected of him. No hopeful eyes, no quiet ‘are you okay’s or ‘how are you’s, no faking smiles. No pretending. It was just him, the moon and the stars.

_ My judgement's clouded _

_ Like tonight's sky _

_ Hands are silent _

_ Voice's numb _

_ Try to scream out, my lungs _

_ It makes this harder _

_ And the tears stream down my face _

He’s so angry at the world. He wished he could curse it. The universe chose to steal almost everything from him and he was unsure if he could handle it much longer. 

He wants to scream, but he can barely make a sound. His throat is dry and his voice gone. His voice only came out in quiet whispers now when he spoke. He wondered if it’s because all of his crying he has done, broken sobs wracking his body as he laid in his bed at night. 

_ If we could only have this life for one more day _

_ If we could only turn back time _

_ You know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be _

_ My love, my heart is breathing for this _

_ Moment, in time _

Going back to before they were gone and the pain consumed him. To late nights watching movies in the garage or the double dates that were disguised as four friends hanging out. The way they had dinner dates at small burger joints where Bobby had the ability to get a veggie burger. 

Like when they received news of earning the Orpheum gig they celebrated with a night out. At the beginning of the night Bobby drove them to a small vintage joint. 

In the car, Reggie sat in the passenger seat by him, fingers intertwined with his own while Luke sat with Alex in the back. When they reached the small joint. They ordered burgers and milkshakes. Then in between ordering and receiving food, Luke ran over to the jukebox ready for some music to play. The song began as Luke jumped onto the bench of the booth. He decided that the best idea was to belt the lyrics. Bobby noticed Alex’s immediate embarrassment probably hoping they wouldn't get kicked out. The employees seemed to be entertained by it or just didn’t care since no other customers were there besides two girls and an old couple both seeming to be entertained by Lukes antics. 

Bobby looked over at Reggie who was grinning. Then, unable to contain it anymore, he shot up and sang loudly with Luke. The two boys fed off the others energy as usual. Bobby felt his hand fish for his digital camera from his pocket, snapping the moment into a picture. He captured Alex’s red cheeks, Luke with his eyes shut, a foot on the table and an air guitar. Reggie was obviously laughing and had a hand up in the air. Then Bobby was in the lower corner grinning at the messes his bandmates are.That was the first picture of many captured that night.

At the end of the song, still giggling, Reggie plopped back down next to Bobby. His whole body collapsed into his side, smiling and laughing. Their hands found each others under the table, Bobby giving a small squeeze. 

Meanwhile, Luke was trying to convince Alex he loved the performance. Which the blonde obviously did, but he didn’t want to give that satisfaction to his boyfriend. However, he gave in, saying that of course he did because Luke is just too cute. Bobby stifled a laugh as Lukes’ cheeks colored at being called cute. 

The next collection of photos he captured were after dinner when they snuck into a nightclub. A place where it was safe for the boys to show their affection for each other. Three of Bobby's favorite photos were taken. They were a group photo they took, the one where Alex and Luke were dancing together with purple lights filtering on them. Then finally, his favorite photo was blurry and an accident, but Reggie dashed toward him, kissing him dramatically. He barely got the picture before Reggie moved away.

That might be one of his favorite memories with the band.

_ I'll find the words to say _

_ Before you leave me today _

_ Flashing lights in my mind _

The sirens that pierced the joy in the streets that night killing the happiness that would come. He thought that maybe someone got injured a few miles down. Only to realize the show was meant to begin in fifteen minutes and his bandmates were still missing. Then he looked out a window just in time to see the ambulance turn. His heart dropped.

His hand flew to his jacket, slipping his arms in before dashing out. He found Rose telling her he needed a ride to the hospital. She looked at him, concerned. Then he explained, with a sinking feeling in his gut, that his friends may be heading there. Then, without a second thought, Rose grabbed her bag, shouting out to her coworkers before ushering the guitarist out.

He fought his way in to see his friends, claiming to be family and desperate to see them. Rose was his rock that night, waiting patiently by doors or resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. When they reached Reggies room she took his hand in hers, rubbing circles with her thumb and giving light squeezes. 

He watched the line go flat that night, never letting go of his hand. I love you, the words barely made it out in a whisper, but they remained in the air. With a final kiss to the back of Reggies hand, they were ushered from the room one last time as doctors and nurses rushed in to resuscitate him. Bobby knew their attempts would fail. Part of him knew they were already gone before they reached the hospital. He just didn’t want to believe it. 

Outside the room, he turned to Rose, throwing his arms around her as he began to sob into her shoulder. She quietly hugged back. Deep down he knew he’d never see Reggies vibrancy, Luke’s passion or Alex’s gentleness again. He no longer had his friends.

_ Going back to the time _

_ Playing games in the street _

_ Kicking balls at my feet _

They’re in seventh grade. New, but fast friends. All four of them clicked. There was a portion of time Bobby was worried he’d be left in the dark with Reggie and Luke knowing each other in third grade and them knowing Alex for a whole year longer. That never happened. Not with all the room in their hearts they had. 

He noticed quickly in their relationship that Reggie spent the majority of his time at Luke’s. Sometimes the younger boy would flinch at the mention of going home. That was when he offered his house up for them to stay, knowing Reggies getting hurt at home even if not physically. 

The first time Reggie stayed at his house was on a wednesday after Bobby got to hear the infamous yelling matches. The matches that led his friend to tense at every mention of home, flinch at even the slightest sign at a yelling voice and to the dark sleepless nights that he had. Within the safety of Bobby’s backyard they played basketball which eventually turned into passing the ball. Then finally the ball was forgotten as they giggled loudly, roughhousing.

Bobby wasn’t sure how they managed to have a Wednesday night sleepover as twelve year olds, but he managed to convince his parents. That night, he couldn’t help the way his heart sped up- even just slightly- when Reggie instinctively curled close. He didn’t get cuddled often, unless by his little sister or the cuddle piles the boys had after playing together and stress filled days. However, this felt different in his heart. somewhere.

_ There's a numb in my toes _

_ Standing close to the edge _

_ There's a pile of my clothes _

_ At the end of your bed _

_ As I feel myself fall _

_ Make a joke of it all _

And he’s falling. He barely has time to register it before he meets his end. He didn’t realize he took that final step of the edge. Too late to go back. He didn’t really mind dying. Now he could be with the person he loved most. Six feet under.

_ You know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be _

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING.  
> I may turn this into a small series with Bobby in 2020...
> 
> Feel free to leave feedback.  
> Thank you again for reading. hope i didn’t leave anyone too sad.


End file.
